Five Tips for Dating a Mexican Man


As a Canadian woman who married a Mexican man and stayed in Mexico City for him, I have a lot of opinions about dating Mexican men.

While Mexican men have a reputation for being super macho, this is not always the case. Canadian men are more politically correct on the outside perhaps, but not on the inside. A Mexican man may just up and say what a Canadian (or American or European) man is thinking. Traditional mindsets of inequality between men and women are global, my friends.

That said, here's my advice for non-Mexican women about what to expect.

1. Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

Foreign women might be delighted by the effusiveness of Mexican men. While Western men seem unable to utter one romantic word at times, Mexican men have books of them at the ready to fling at you.

This can be all very enjoyable as long as you don’t take it to mean anything. Yes, while a Mexican man may say he loves you, that he’s been waiting to meet someone like you, or that he’ll follow you anywhere, please be very skeptical if this kind of talk occurs within the first month or week of dating.

Be especially skeptical if this follows the first date, especially a date where you didn’t sleep with him. So here we hit the heart of the matter – all these words mean he’s very interested in having sex with you, not spending his life with you. Proceed as you will, but don’t expect him to stick around after the deed is done.

Kind of the same advice you'd hear anywhere.

 2. Actions, Not Words 

Mexican men who are actually interested in pursuing a relationship with you will follow up their effusive words with actions. This could include:
  • Inviting you to meet their family
  • Following up after dates (via text, phone call, whatever) with further plans
  • Not cancelling dates and showing up on time
  • Speaking Spanish with you and not just using you for English practice
  • Asking you about you and not just blathering on about themselves. They should be interested in your family, friends, work, and life at home.
  • Scheduling dates that don’t just start with late drinks and end in your bedroom. This means going to markets mid-afternoon, renting bikes in the morning, and taking day trips out of the city.

3. Beware the Macho Man 

Unless you’re into that kind of thing. Otherwise, I know I said that macho men are universal but Mexican men can be a special type of macho – a more obvious one, if you will.

Be aware that many Mexican men have been raised with macho attitudes – especially if they’re from outside of Mexico City, especially if they’re from the north of the country, especially if they’re from conservative states like Puebla.

Macho men in Mexico believe that:
  • Women cook for men and don’t sit down to eat until the men are finished. Then the women clean up.
  • Women do the laundry, cleaning, and ironing and that is what they are for.
  • Women need to be protected from every kind of danger (they shouldn’t go out alone at night, they shouldn’t take public transport, they shouldn’t go out just with female friends, they shouldn’t leave the house period).
  • Women should not spend time with other men if they are dating someone.
  • Women must accept men’s bad behavior without complaint. This definitely includes bouts of ridiculous drunkenness. The woman tends to the man as if he is a sick baby and waits for him to get sober.
  • Women get married and have children and spend plenty of time with their husband’s family. 
  • Men live with their parents until they get married. Then the wife takes the place of the mother's former role.
Be warned that macho behavior may not manifest itself until much further on in your relationship, such as when you begin to live together. Ask questions ahead of time.

4. Look for Signs of the Female-Friendly Mexican Man

I married a man who had no love of feminism and some engrained machismo. Why? He showed a willingness to learn about my beliefs and adapt to my expectations of an equal partnership. At the very least, you should see the following promising signs:
  • He doesn’t openly ridicule women
  • He has female friends that he regards as equals
  • He treats his sister(s) and mother with respect
  • He fundamentally believes women are equals, even if he still has some macho attitudes
  • He is interested in your beliefs and opinions and while he may challenge you, he doesn’t automatically shut you down
  • He is open to your cultural differences and willing to learn about them
  • He isn’t critical of how you dress and accepts that you have the right to wear what you want.
  • He doesn’t insist that you act a certain way around his family and friends (as long as you’re not being unfairly rude). 
5. Proceed Slowly 

Foreign women may be in Mexico for a short or long time. Have a fling by all means but if you find yourself falling for someone, ask yourself the following questions: Are you willing to stay in Mexico for a man? If so, is this the man worth staying for? 

Proceed slowly and analyze your date for signs of trustworthiness and good character. Looks fade, sweet words fade, but character lasts forever.

Staying in Mexico for someone is a major commitment, as I well know. You have to analyze if being apart from your family and friends and changing or altering your career is worth it. Compromise is inevitable.

Make sure your beloved is willing to compromise as well – you shouldn’t be the only one changing your life. This may mean going to couples therapy to iron out cultural differences etc. Or perhaps your boyfriend needs to pursue therapy of his own, commit to quitting drinking, or otherwise.

Be firm. You have needs too. Talk with him. Does he want a long-term relationship? Is he willing to move in with you, do fifty percent of the housework, pay his half of the bills, and support your dreams? If so my dear, you may have just found true love!

Post your questions and experiences in the comments section below!

By the way, if you're looking for somewhere to stay in Mexico then click this link to go to AirBnB and get $25 USD in travel credit -- my gift to you!

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46 comments:

Yvonne Kay said...

Just found your fantastic Blog~ I have been happily married for 6 years to my loving husband who happens to be from Mexico..

Anonymous said...

Great post! As a Canadian married to a Mexican.( Puebla),but living in Canada, I can identify with a lot of this! My husband was baffled by my feminist views, but, like you said, was willing to listen and try to understand. Though he still maintains that "this concept no exist in Mexico." look forward to reading more from you.

Cyndie Pierce said...

Should I be worried about my almost 16 year old white daughter dating a 19 year old Mexican boy. He seems really nice and is sweet with her but I worry that he is wanting to rush things with her. They have only been dating for 4 months but under strict rules. Should I be worried about them moving to fast?

Cyndie Pierce said...

Should I be worried about my almost 16 year old white daughter dating a 19 year old Mexican boy. He seems really nice and is sweet with her but I worry that he is wanting to rush things with her. They have only been dating for 4 months but under strict rules. Should I be worried about them moving to fast?

Helen said...

Really interesting article! Very funny! I should write a post “Dating a Slavic Man” (I’m Ukrainian). Don’t Believe Everything You Hear – it’s about every man in the world, I’ve never met a man who keeps promises)) It’s natural, they try to conquer you and when you show a white flag everything changes)) so this sentence is a Universal truth)

B.Kienapple said...

Hi Cyndie, it's not the race difference you should be worried about. It's the age difference! A 19 year old is a man and a 15 year old still a child. Monitor their relationship closely. Your daughter may not be mature enough to handle this kind of relationship. Good luck!

Unknown said...

My fiancé is brutal. A mexi. Checks my phone. Accuses me of nothing. We are currently seperated. I love him but too possesive and jealous.

Laura Welde said...

My fiancé is brutal. A mexi. Checks my phone. Accuses me of nothing. We are currently seperated. I love him but too possesive and jealous.

Anonymous said...

So i am dating a mexican guy currently from veracruz, mexico, and ive changed my relationship status to in a relationship with him. I have noticed that his relationship status is still single. We've dated since last year of 2014 during the summer. What does this mean?

B.Kienapple said...

Hi Anonymous, have you and your boyfriend "had the talk" where you agree that you're exclusively dating? Make sure you have this conversation first so you're both on the same page. If you have had the talk and you're exclusive, ask him why his profile still says "single." There are two possible reasons for that:

1. He doesn't believe in advertising his relationship status on Facebook
2. He's hiding his relationship with you from other people, which is never a good sign.

If his answer as to why he's not advertising his status sounds fishy, be on guard. I knew a girl who was dating a Mexican guy for a couple of years before she realized he was married with kids! The most obvious way to find this out is to make sure you meet his friends and family. If he's reluctant to do this, something is definitely up.

Good luck!

B.Kienapple said...

Hi Laura, I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you! Possessiveness can happen in any culture, it's the sign of bad boundaries and insecurity on his part. I'm glad you got yourself out of that situation. You deserve someone who is confident in themselves and trusts you. Good luck xo B.

purplerose3 said...

I have been married for 15 years married a Mexican at 19yrs old. He is not the "typical" Mexican because he came to US when he was 19 and we met very shortly after. He has became Americanized for the most part but still has some of these Mexican tendencies but I love him so much!

B.Kienapple said...

Hey Purple, well Mexican guys, like in any country, come in all kind of flavors. There's definitely an overall cultural influence, but that's not to say that there isn't room for more progressive attitudes. Honestly, a lot of American and Canadian men can be just as misogynistic. So I wouldn't say that "American" attitudes are necessarily better. Anyway, I'm glad that you've found love with your husband! Opposites attract, right? :)

Anonymous said...

mexicans are White and Brown, Hollywood really créate lies, love mexico

Jhiivan Ngaosi said...

Number 1 is true..
Well I got a boyfriend from mexico.. and We are in a long distance relationship.. I love him so much but I dont know if he feels thesame about me.. He always say sweet words but Im not sure if he is just doing it for flirting or if he is really saying the truth..
I need help...

Jhiivan Ngaosi said...

Number 1 is true..
Well I got a boyfriend from mexico.. and We are in a long distance relationship.. I love him so much but I dont know if he feels thesame about me.. He always say sweet words but Im not sure if he is just doing it for flirting or if he is really saying the truth..
I need help...

B.Kienapple said...

Jhiivan, if your boyfriend is serious about you he will be making plans to be with you full-time--so either moving to your country, or helping you move to Mexico, or coming up a plan where you can move to a different country together. If he's not making any concrete plans for your future, he's not serious ... please dump him immediately.

Trust me on this one.

Jhiivan Ngaosi said...

Thank You so much for your advice Ma'am.. I appreciate it so much..

Unknown said...

Good post but excuse me - western men? Um, Mexico is still part of the western world. Do you mean to say white men? American men? Please correct this!!

lumivasos empresa said...

HI, I read all you said and 80% is true, I´m a Mexican living in Mexico City, and most of the Mexican in the "north" "Chihuahua, Sonora, Durango, Monterrrey" etc have the "Macho chip" even we have a some kind of Mexican war because most of the Mexicans in the city HATE the "macho way", sad about Laura, that often happens with the "Macho man" and check the phone is a light version as B Kienapple says happens in all cultures, but Mexicans has it more (remember all mi friends are Mexicans). And Cyndie, remember the male Mexican is a kind of Horny, so keep watching all time and more if they are young, in the other side the latino and Mexican are kind, romantic and lovely, like to send flowers, write letter, buy chocolates, and try to sing (LOL) to his lovely woman, and we like more the white skins (I ask all time to friends and we prefer the light skin), most of the "feminist" woman will have troubles in a relationship whit a Mexican man because we have a strong need to "protect" to our woman, and a independent, woman, You may feel harassed or some kind of over reaction in this theme because we think "the more protect you the more love you" (I know maybe sounds ridiculous) but remember most of the man in Mexico grow in a matriarchal home and we say "you cant hit a woman even with the petal of a rose" we say the real man protects and love his woman, also "there is nothing more sacred than women" etc etc so like in every thing in the live you have to make a good choice of whatever you do, good blog and the picks you chose B Kienapple are in Regina street, thats a good place to the "bohemia" well... with the permission of the manager I leave mi mail. if some one whant to know more about the Mexican culture and any kind of stuff about Mexico, Have a nice night sweeties astorre100@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

I´m a Mexican from Puebla. All I can say is, I don´t like dating men from my country. They are definitely not trustworthy, most of them. Was married to one, will never marry one again. Ever.

B.Kienapple said...

Hi Anonymous from Puebla, there's a culture of machismo in Mexico, but said culture exists all around the world in different forms. I'm married to a Mexican man and he is the sweetest, most loving guy ever. So I definitely wouldn't discount dating men from Mexico. There are always rotten apples in every bunch.

Yeye C said...

Very interesting, I am a Mexican girl married to a Canadian guy. This has inspired me to write in my blog www.yeyescloset.com about what to expect when dating a Canadian guy. It's been a long journey!

Marie jospeh said...

Hi i just met a jewiah mexican who claims he loves me we met first week and he says he really like me at first i didnt pay him any mind thought he was one of those thirsty guys but time and time he comes at my job just to come see me and shop of course i gave him my number he always call and wanting to spend time with me take me out to eat anything i want but i always reject him and he never give up so i was curious about him before i agree to go on a date with him i started asking him questions like about his family he told me they are in mexico his the only child he came here live with his cousin and does construction 13 hours a day which cause him to dont have any time during the day so at night he usually just go home eat and sleep this been going on for 7 months since his last relationship which he broke up with his girlfriend who cheated he have gone through t2o relationship and he has no type as long the person is loyal and give him the love he desire so that made me curious on his zodiac sign which i found out he is Cancer the passionate sensible love type and oh yea did i memtioned im black and haitian what do you think should i give him a try

Marie jospeh said...

Hi i just met a jewiah mexican who claims he loves me we met first week and he says he really like me at first i didnt pay him any mind thought he was one of those thirsty guys but time and time he comes at my job just to come see me and shop of course i gave him my number he always call and wanting to spend time with me take me out to eat anything i want but i always reject him and he never give up so i was curious about him before i agree to go on a date with him i started asking him questions like about his family he told me they are in mexico his the only child he came here live with his cousin and does construction 13 hours a day which cause him to dont have any time during the day so at night he usually just go home eat and sleep this been going on for 7 months since his last relationship which he broke up with his girlfriend who cheated he have gone through t2o relationship and he has no type as long the person is loyal and give him the love he desire so that made me curious on his zodiac sign which i found out he is Cancer the passionate sensible love type and oh yea did i memtioned im black and haitian what do you think should i give him a try

Sara said...

Hi my saga is so sad, I fell in love with a Mexican guy, and he was fantastic, but he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship, code for I don't want one with you. He wants us to remain friends, as he says he feels comfortable with me and he even wanted to move in together, I took that to mean we were back together again, but when he didn't want to have sex because he said we were not in a relationship, we were just friends,I didn't understand why he wanted us to live together, so he finally said he didn't think it was a good idea we live together, because my emotions and mentality was that of being in a relationship with him, and he just wanted us to be friends. I tried to rationalize it and tell myself maybe he was getting cold feet as I was going to relocate to where he is three hours away and he didn't want the responsibility of another person living with him, or maybe because I am African American, maybe this is some Mexican Culture thing I don't know about, or maybe because I inherited new debt, but it was not his debt it was my debt, because we were doing great, he was talking about a future with me and then bam, two weeks after I purchased two cars, car note for the next four years, he said he was ready for a relationship, The hard truth I had to face was he was my the "one" , but I was not his "the one, because I believe when a man finds the "one" nothing can keep them from being in a relationship with that person. I asked God to show me my husband and at least let me meet him and God revealed him to me in a dream and wham two weeks later I saw him in person, the same man from the dream that is why I held on to him and didn't want to let him go, because God is never wrong, but maybe I was. He had this same exact conversation with me a year ago around the same time of the month, about not being ready for a relationship, wanting to to things on his own, like big trips, so last year after the conversation he went to Mexico for a week and came back and started with me again and started a relationship in Feb of this year, here I am six months later and lost him again.

Sara said...

I emailed Dr. Stanly

Shelley Botelho said...

Be worried about your 16 yr old daughter dating ANY 19 year old man

Sara said...

This Dr. Stanly, is this the Minister or some other Dr. Stanly?

amaris vonnae said...

He might be married or have kids in Mexico.

amaris vonnae said...

He might be married or have kids in Mexico.

B.Kienapple said...

HI guys, just a note that any comments advertising services of any kind (and that include links/email addresses/phone numbers) will be deleted immediately. This is a community of travelers, not a place to sell your service, and definitely a scam-free zone. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Well I' a irish/ aboriginal canadian woman who met a really sweet guy from Mexico. What started off as friendship turned into something more than I could have ever imagined. Don't get me wrong we have our misunderstandings and arguments but it's really great how we work through them. He's a very reserved and an adorably sweet guy. Respectful and attentive. I know he's not hiding me from his family and we both often talk about possibly living together one day in the future, but agreed we would experience each other's world's first. I feel deep down in my heart that he is as genuine as they come and this is honestly the most mature, loving relationship I've ever been in. Well, one can only hope because I've had my share of creeps.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, i'm currently in a long distance relationship with a Mexican guy, and i am not sure if I should relocate and accept with open arms the thought of being with him and leaving everything behind in my country. i love him to bits but how would i know if he really is the "real deal" when we can only talk through skype? also, are mexicanos really that into sex? he usually asks for pictures of me, but we also sometimes talk about normal couple things. so is that okay too? i really need some advice, because im falling into deep with my mexican boyfriend. thanks a lot!

Adrienne Diablura said...

Enjoyed your post, particularly as I myself have considered doing a similar one on my own blog (and may yet - but I need to mull over my blunt wording a little better LOL!). I too am Canadian and I live on an island in Mexico. I got thoroughly sideswiped by my first Mexican man. It was all beautiful words and sweetness - and total, TOTAL deception. Funtimes learning how he picked me up at the Airport one day - the same day he went to pick up another woman that was apparently coming here to visit him. Things like that were common place with him. However, aside from him, being on an island (and the fact that makes it a popular tourist destination) has an added factor which women don´t bother to consider: sexual tourism. Tourists are easy. There, I´ve said it. It´s true and everyone here knows it. They come down and party and do things they wouldn´t normally and that sweet-talking, sexy man coming on to you knows it too. There are men here that have a different woman almost every week (some more, some less). It doesn´t matter if you exchange money or not, you are still a part of the game. If the locals are giving you sly looks when they see you out with `your guy´ - you might want to question why. It is amazing being seduced by those ones, they really know how to play the game....but seriously, you are not important to them. Don´t fall for it....ESPECIALLY if you are a tourist. Where I moved from, men were so aggressive towards women. It was as though you should be honoured they were hitting on you and you were considered a total bitch if you didn´t respond accordingly, so I get it. I really do. Being treated like you are a goddess walking the earth is an incredibly seductive experience - just don´t be stupid. Don´t fool yourself. If you do get involved, ask them to wear a condom. That right there may make them walk away....which considering how many different women they are with in a year, might make you luckier than you´ll realize.

That being said...I am one of the lucky ones and have found an amazing man. When you have the time to be with a Mexican man and to see if they are `real´, having that passioniate and romantic side of them focused solely on you is incredible. When you are truly the object of their desire and can find the balance between you and him culturally and personally (I was lucky to find a gentleman not a `macho´, which makes me feel cherished and special), it´s a powerful thing.

Monalo said...

I have been happily married to my love for 21 years! He is Mexican. We have 3 children, 2 homes in Mexico (paid for) 2 homes here (paid for) He is a wonderful husband and father! Our first 5 or so years together were a bit rough but once he was domesticated, Lol. It's been great!

okaydokay said...

married an American born Hispanic. I'm FED UP with the macho bullshit and double standards. Sick of serving him (while he is watching tv) and doing most of the housework and in return I get my door opened for me and got jewelry. Like, I am not interested in being bought off. I have to jump through hoops to talk to him as my needs are always problematic for him (I have so very few). He's critical, blows up, talks a big game and is condescending.

No thank you.

Unknown said...

I too am going through the same thing sarah is but i have a child and he is so ha5d on both of us

Duch said...

And i am completly tired of it we have been dating since i was 14 and then i got pregnant at 18 cheated on me when i was preg and we seperated and he had 2 kids with person he cheated on me with and then we got back together and hes been the same as sarah describes and always complaining i gained weight im not that big and always thinks negative and i do everything he never helps me with no housework he does work and come home and then always on his facebook or youtube we barely speak he doesnt want to talk about anything and i am so tired of this he has no manners and im trying because we have a child together but i dont want my son to end up like him being lazy and not communicating effectively and downing women

Anonymous said...

I like it, good insight. I have an adopted daughter who is currently interested in dating a Mexican man who has spent 20 some odd years in prison. What would be the best way to approach it from á Father's perspective?

Unknown said...

Forgot to say she is over 40 so...

luisANA said...

Very intresting blog! Thank you)

B.Kienapple said...

Anonymous, about your 40+ year old daughter, she is old enough to know her own mind. Speak honestly but compassionately with her about the situation. If you have concerns, raise them, but listen as well. She will ultimately make up her own mind about this man.

Diana said...

Thank you forthe information!

Unknown said...



  My boyfriend is from Veracruz,  iam an American . We are living in the US, he came here when he was 18 years old. Became americanized, joined the national guard,  has a 12 year old son from a marriage 10 years ago of a white women.  Iam 11 years younger than him. We have been together for 1.5 years now. I have a son that is not his biological,  but he loves him as his own and is his dad and calls him his son. Wants to change his last name to his . He also has plans for us to move to Campeche in 2 years. Iam definitely willing . And says he wants to marry me before we go.

   Well, my question is. On Facebook , he has an x girlfriend from 7 years ago that they dated for 3 months. They broke up cause she didn't like his son . They are still friends, they went to school together when they were little. She's pretty. They still talk, but he doesn't like to talk about it, he won't bring her up cause he thinks I will get jealous. I've showed jealousy in the past towards this,  which could be the reason why... I've came a very long way since then & so has our relationship. Iam no longer like that and am working towards a completely an open, honest relationship. .. so we can feel secure and know eachother.  Talk openly. 

Iam just wondering , should I be worried about him talking to this girl ? It is his x girlfriend.  It just is making me insecure because he hides it . He has a lot of girls that are friends in mexico. I have never been with him around a girl he considers a friend as he has none here. I've met his friends here. I've met the family he has here as well. It probably is just me being insecure, but I do not talk to any of my x's because I know it puts doubt in the mind.


     

Ashlea L said...

Also iam the same person that relied above . Boyfriend from Veracruz. He calls his mom almost everyday .
Is a girl that he is friends with is more pretty and thinner than myself...and they are an x , do they compare the two and still think about being wit that person ? I just am trying to get down the thought process. I think it is completely innocent. But I need reassurence. Iam scared to bring it up as he may feel iam having a jealousy problem, which iam not. If it's innocent. It is .. iam fine. I've excepted he gas friends that are girls , I just don't know how they think of them . Because here in the states. It is rare for a guy to have girls that are friends without wanting or thinking something more. And as that guy stated above, the mexican culture is horny hahaha I see that .

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