Day Three/SKIP THREE/Day Seven: NaNoEdMo. More Plotting and CARNAGE!

National Novel Editing Month is starting to feel like my attempts to eat real food - good intentions followed by total fail followed by punishing make-up period.

Day three was A-OK. I finished plotting my novel via post-it notes on the wall (see photo above). I don't know why I was expecting something more extensive. For a novel that's 240,000 words+, the above looks suspiciously thin. I realized, once again, that the first half of the novel is pretty bad and the second half much better. I stared at my creation, hoping some brilliant idea would click into place. Failing that, I made a mug of Ovaltine and watched Castle. It's early on yet. Brilliance cannot be forced.

Day four, five, and six involved work-related drinking, non-work related drinking, and then not drinking (and not editing either). *slaps wrist*

Day seven, Sunday, was ATONEMENT. I spent four and half hours editing. Here's what happened:
  1. I realized, with horror, that my attempt to use regional dialect is both embarrassing and inaccurate. TRASH.
  2. Also, novels should NOT begin with 20 page character sketches in narrative form. TRASH.
  3. One of my lead characters is so boring I wanted to violently slaughter her. SO I DID. Muahaha! I spent an hour X'ing her out of most of the novel. That was extremely satisfying. TRASH.
  4. A character that I think is hilarious, who is a composite of various emo-frontmen from the mid-00's (shut up, it's YA) but actually snarky and intelligent, appears 2/3 of the way through. Inexcusable. He will now be a main character. Cut and paste.
  5. Anything I may have thought was "daring" and "controversial" (read: embarrassing and ill-informed) has been nixed. TRASH.
  6. I decided to remove 25% of the angst in favour of what will be 50% more plot. This has not yet been actualized. But it will.
  7. Strangely, despite the carnage, there is a lot of novel left. Not surprising, since it feels longer than the Bible.
You may notice that I'm throwing around a lot of figures in this post. This guarantees that this process will be accurate and guaranteed to succeed. No doubt.


karen said...

ahaha, now i understand your The Used-fueled cleaning kick. (i like them, too!)

(if you confess that your novel started its life as Used fanfic, i won't tell. shhhh)

B.Kienapple said...

This definitely deserves a LOL. Ha! No it didn't start as fanfic but I'm not going to lie, I had a huge thing for Bert back in the day.

Kate said...

Hilarious post! Now I can't wait to read the book once the editing (and publishing) is done!

Scrat said...

I hope that your novel will be as fun and creative as your posts. Bon Courage!

Hubert O'Hearn said...

That was equally hilarious and informative. many novels would be so much better if they didn't lead with a loving description of the hero/ine right down to the number of bristles on the toothbrush.

B.Kienapple said...

Thanks all! I'm not sure if I can aspire to literary greatness so at the very least I just want the thing to be funny. Laughing through life's ills is my raison d'etre.

Hubert, I am having to seriously wean myself off lovingly dedicating pages and pages to narrative description of my characters. I realized that when I wasn't even really interested in reading these passages, NO ONE would be.


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